So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i believe in u and ur pee
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
