she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
