Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
