Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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