After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
