It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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