i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
