please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
