May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
