That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
