Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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