i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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