So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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