if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
