I CAN MOONWALK!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?