so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
