My Higher Power is John Stamos
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way