i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
