She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
