LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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