New low: just hacked my moms facebook
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
