we have officially lost it.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
