The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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