So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
