but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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