The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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