HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
