Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
