and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
