she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
