i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
