I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
