God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
