I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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