john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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