The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
