She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
