Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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