Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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