i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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