Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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