Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
wow bdsm is so cute
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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