her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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