I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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