If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
