I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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