My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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