once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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