you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
