i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
