I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
