I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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