yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
