break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
