Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
