Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
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Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
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You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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