So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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