Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
