all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
