What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
