so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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