I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
