is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
