i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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