Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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