So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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