So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
whose parrot is this?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
