did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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