I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
