Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
