Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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