I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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