Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
