when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
